Though Not a Gambling Kind of Guy…

Sometimes you just have to go with your intuition, or follow your cravings, even if you think you’ll regret your decision later.

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Gamble I: Blasting Off!
I love Raisin Bran ™. Always have. But I haven’t eaten the stuff in years because …well, you know why most people eat bran or, should I say, what effect they hope to achieve by eating bran, right? Well, let’s just say that bran works too well for me. Explosively well, in fact.
     As I was nodding off for my last two sleeps, I simply couldn’t get Raisin Bran off my mind. My whole body seemed to be craving it! And I believe that sometimes your body actually does call out for something it needs. For instance, I’m convinced I crave bananas when I need potassium, though I don’t make that connection when the craving is happening. It’s not like I say to myself, “Hummm! I’m cravin’ me some yummy potassium!” The craving just happens. So obviously I’m craving something in bran cereal these days.
     So what the heck! I got myself some Raisin Bran this evening, and less than three hours after I ate a huge, generous bowl of the stuff, the grumbling in my lower stomach began, as well as the farting, of course. I expect …you know… *BOOM* …real soon. So I wonder if my body was telling me that it’s craving a natural laxative, that it needs to expel some stuff. How weird is that?! It’s not like I …err …you know, I think I’m going to stop now. I can’t believe that, like the delightful Mac, I’m blogging about fecal matter today.

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Gamble II: Patching Out!
I haven’t blogged much lately about how my smoking cessation program is going. And the reason for that is that there isn’t a program anymore.
     Now hold on! I did not just say that I quit quitting. What’s happening right now is a bit more odd than that.
     I switched down to Step 2 last week, as scheduled. But as some of you remarked, I was still smoking 3 cigs or so per day while on the patch. I skipped my patch on the Saturday before the step down (no point explaining why) and I didn’t go crazy. So, since last Saturday, I thought I’d try not wearing the patch anymore. And I’m still only smoking 3 cigs or so per day. This was Day 6 of No Patch …heading into Day 7.
     Now know that I recognize this is still short of my goal. But I’m comfortable with this for now. The stale smoke smell is gone from my apartment and my clothes, my smoker’s hack is gone and my breathing is so much clearer, and I love the extra cash I suddenly have! Finally getting rid of the 3 cigs or so per day might be tougher than the 25-30 or so per day I’ve eliminated, for I’ve kept those I really enjoy. But you know what? Right now, all I feel prepared to deal with is not lapsing back to anywhere near where I was before May 3, 2005. In other words, I don’t feel I can cope with anything more right now. Mind you, I do feel much more in control than I did before May, and I think that lack of control — perhaps more than the definite health issues — is ultimately what inspired me to try quitting.

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Gamble III: Switching Time
Summer has finally arrived and it’s suppose to be a humid 30C around Halifax on Saturday, so that’s a call for the beach for me. The trouble is that my internal clock is completely fucked. It’s as though my body refuses to fall asleep for its “night” before 5:30 am — usually even later. However, I usually sleep until 2:00 pm, which is good because I’m obviously getting all the rest I need (as the virtual disappearance of the nasty bags under my eyes can testify). The problem is that I’m not resting when I should be.
     Yesterday evening around 8:00, I decided to force my internal clock to switch. Fast. So I had a nap for about an hour and a half, got up, and I’m not going to go to bed until sundown today. So if I stick to the plan, I’ll wake up at a decent hour Saturday morning and go to the beach.
     The thing is, I know I’m nocturnal by nature; I’ll never be one to get up at 6:00 every morning and be happy about it. Never! But if I could eventually not sleep through all my mornings, especially during the summer, that’d be a nice change.

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Except for the Raisin Bran, I see these gambles as fitting into something bigger in my life right now — an overall feeling I haven’t been able to express, especially at aMMusing. One of these days I’ll figure an easy way of getting a password to those of you with whom I don’t mind sharing those thoughts so that I can password-protect those blog entries.

{2} Thoughts on “Though Not a Gambling Kind of Guy…

  1. Maurice, You have not quit yet. Three a day is still smoking, albeit better than 25 or 30. Have you considered putting the patch back on and cutting the cigarettes down further, maybe to 2 for the next few weeks then 1, later on before none and your move to the last stage. Quitting involves breaking the habits around smoking just as much as eliminating the addiction if you don’t break those habits you will be right back to 30 again “..for I’ve kept those I really enjoy.” is an alarming statement, for soon enough you could easily justify to yourself into 4 more that you “really enjoy” then maybe 6 and so on. Think about those 3 times when you say you “really enjoy” I am guessing it is a very specific time and event. Do something else or replace the cigarette with something else. Every time you get a craving drink a big glass of water instead, this will suppress the chemical craving and help you to break the habitual patterns that also encourages you to smoke. If for example you still smoke in your house, stop that and force yourself to walk downstairs and out to the street for those 3 smokes. That simple step will impact on you big time psychologically. It changes the routine habit, it forces you to go to greater lengths to smoke and thus makes you think about why you need to go to that trouble. It makes you start to think about the idea of your home as a non smoking environment and your self as a non smoker. If it is after meals that you find hard, then as soon as you finish eating go brush your teeth right away and think about how clean and fresh your mouth feels. Then do something different wash the dishes right away or surf the internet for porn or go for a walk as long as you change the routine for the short period of time you would normally smoke. If you drink coffee and smoke then switch to tea, you don’t have to give up the coffee just have it at a different time then you usually would and drink the tea at the habitual coffee and smoke time. And again water is your best friend drink lots of it to replace the cravings and equally important to stop the hunger there is no point quitting cigarettes if you just replace it with food and gain a lot of weight instead. That is just as unhealthy. The dietary changes you are feeling is because of the change in you body chemistry and is a direct side effect of the reduced poisons from smoking. This will settle down in time, but is also another reason to drink lots of water whilst your body flushes out the toxins. Sorry to harp at you like this, but I think you know just how much smoking has change my life in such a negative way. I see you at a dangerous crossroads just now and I fear from experience you could go either way and maybe this little nudge will encourage you to give up those last three smokes altogether….Bill

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