aMMusing

– Currently in Halifax: -10C. Currently in Mexico City: +15C.

– Only have to shave and shower. Leaving the apartment by 4:00.

– Slept 4 hours. I’ve already done with less before a long day.

– I know less than ever how I’ll react when I finally set eyes again on El Poema in about 12 hours. But I know that, aside from the exhaustion from the trip and the chaos of arriving in the world’s second largest city at midday, it will be good.

– Can you believe it’s finally happening? A little tiny part of me still doesn’t.

I may post from Mexico, but I doubt it. So the next update at aMMusing might only come in the new year. I plan a brief Facebook update, though.

Feliz Navidad!

If all goes as planned, and I see no reason at this point why it wouldn’t, I should be at Toronto’s Pearson Airport 24 hours from the time I’m writing this. The weather office is calling for a 30 percent chance of flurries overnight in Halifax and a 40 percent chance of the same in Toronto. By the time the 5 centimetres of snow that’s expected in Halifax tomorrow starts falling, I should be far gone, and it’s expected to be mild and cloudy tomorrow in Toronto. So, it’s just a matter of getting to Toronto. Flights out of Halifax seem to be leaving on time this morning, meaning they’ve finally cleared the backlog from last weekend’s storm.

I’m a little nervous about having sleeping through tomorrow morning, as I have to get up no later than 3:00 a.m. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get tonight, if any, and I know I can’t sleep on a plane. BeeGoddessM has very generously accepted to drive me to the airport, and she suggested that if neither of us hears from the other by 3:30, we’re to call each other.

I’ve made only two time-specific requests from El Poema for the entire trip (not counting having some coffee for me in the morning): take me directly home when I land in Mexico City, since I’ll be exhausted; and, since the night we arrive in Puerto Escondido will also be the full moon, I want us to take advantage of it and the sultry air to walk along the beach that night. Among other things, that last request is essential for me to realize I’ve really escaped the Canadian winter, if only for a short time. As for the rest of the agenda, we’ll play it by ear. He has tons of things he wants to show me and places he wants to take me, but we agree that several moments of tranquility at home are also a must.

Right now I’m off to run a few errands before starting work for the day. I’m essentially packed except for a few items that have to wait until the last minute.

It’s finally happening! I’m finally going to Mexico to be with El Poema! When we spoke last night, we were both giddy as hell …

– The Bush Whacker is in town and is coming over for dinner this evening. I think it’s been nearly two years since I last saw her. Tonight there’ll be major catching up on what we’ve been up to!

– Last night, Jain was over for our last “Whine & Wine” before I head off to Mexico. El Poema called while she was here, but unfortunately Skype was misbehaving for the second time in a row so the connection was touch and go. Although we dub our Friday-night get-togethers “Whine & Wine,” we really don’t do much whining. Except, perhaps, whining about Skype last night.

– I placed an order for Mexican pesos yesterday morning, which will be ready for pickup on Wednesday morning — the day before I leave. Do you think I could have waited more to the last minute?

– A wicked snowstorm is coming our way tomorrow and Monday. So long as the nasty weather happens now and doesn’t disrupt my travel plans on Thursday, I’m fine with that. I’m also bringing Junior to the garage on Monday morning.

– That said, with winter so firmly started and so early this year, I’m certain my arrival in Mexico will be a shock to the system, not to mention the return from Mexico.

– I’m going to start packing gradually tomorrow. Wednesday’s going to be weird: I have to work that day and I have to be at the airport no later than 4:45 Thursday morning. I’m going to have to come up with a plan to get a bit of sleep before I fly across the continent. I know myself: I can’t sleep on a plane.

– I can’t deny it: I have a knot of butterflies in my stomach. When there were 90, 80, 70 or 60 days to wait, going to visit El Poema was still a bit of an abstraction. But now that there’s only 4 days to wait, not counting today, I’m in total “Oh My Gawd” mode. I have no doubt about what I feel for El Poema nor do I doubt what he feels for me, but the butterflies are a sign of a little part of me asking, “What the fuck am I doing?!” I know that part of the answer is that I’m living up to my resolution not to accumulate regrets, like not following my heart and one day asking myself, “What if I had …” But the enormity of what I’m about to do is really hitting home now, a feeling that I know BeeGoddessM remembers very well. In fact, the parallels are remarkably similar, right down to the timeline.

– I have to swear off looking at Montreal apartment ads until I come back. That’s just making me feel more overwhelmed. Next to nothing for April has been posted yet, and both the price range and not knowing anymore which neighbourhood I’ll pick is stressing me out. Plus, the day job has been busy and stressful in its own right, and whomever will be covering for me while I’m gone hasn’t been determined yet. (Although that’s not something for me to worry about, I can’t help thinking about it.)

– Overall, everything that’s happening is very, very good (except for the work-related stress which I can objectively say is diminishing as I’m getting settled into my new responsibilities). I think it’s just that there’s too much happening all at once. Hence why I feel disjointed — in the “all over the place” sense of the word — and excited at the same time.

I’ve never been good with comebacks. They almost always come to me way too late or just late enough that they wouldn’t have any punch. Except, occasionally, they do come with perfect timing. I remember it happening just right once back when I was still a teenager, and that brought BeeGoddess C to say as she was laughing heartily, “Every once in a while…”

Late last night, I was talking with a mildly hungover El Poema on Skype when suddenly Tadzio, his cat, started meowing rather loudly.

– Tadzio! Tadzio! SHUT UP!”

I burst out laughing and said:

– Tadzio, shut up! Mommy has a headache…”

El Poema immediately started laughing but then admonished me: “You’re mean! Don’t be mean to me!”

Tadzio meowed again. And turning towards him, El Poema said without missing a beat:

– Shut up, Tadzio. Mommy has a headache!”

In 10 days, Daddy will finally get to meet Tadzio.

Awaken around 8 o’clock on this Sunday morning by Dr. Snake Oil Salesman‘s girlfriend’s heavy stomping, which has earned her the nickname from me of Fee Fi Fo Fum, I idly wondered as I forced myself back to sleep if I should send him a message via Facebook — you know, saying that I only have three months left once I return from Mexico and could they kindly make an effort not to grate on my nerves as much as they have been. I mean, from now on, the hours I keep at the day job are as if I were in the Eastern time zone (one hour behind) and the job now consists of a lot more writing than before, which requires more concentration — at least from me. So, the stomping and the music in the middle of the afternoon, let alone the same when I’m bone tired in the evening, is really making me miserable and pissy …or, as some might say, more miserable and pissier.

I didn’t think of jumping right into Facebook when I got up later this morning, and when I decided to look him up late this afternoon, I lost my resolve: it was a stupid idea that came to me when I was half asleep but deeply resenting having been awaken so early on a Sunday, and I really shouldn’t go there. However, what I found interesting is that he changed his privacy settings in Facebook so that now his profile is pretty well wide open for anyone to see. So, now it’s taking every ounce of restraint I have within me not to post a link to it with some kind of rude caption. My dislike has become THAT visceral.

Confrontation is just not my thing, though. Sometimes I harbour such nasty ideas, but then I just can’t bring myself to pass to action. I don’t know if it’s because there’s a part of me who’s not convinced I have grounds to complain, or that I’m afraid of the repercussions. Or that I think I’ll totally lose it. But at the same time, I get angry with myself for not standing up for myself.

And look how often I’ve bitched about him! Clearly it’s bothering me. If it were occasional, then, let go, right? But whenever they’re home, I know about it? Or when they’re not, I actually notice it? That, to me, seems a bit much.

It’s hard to believe, but in exactly two weeks, I will be in Mexico City. I’m not sure which is more surreal: the thought of being months away or the thought of being just days away. Light snow is falling outside my window, yet I know that in a bit more than two weeks, I’ll be on a beach, covered with sunscreen, seeing palm trees for the first time in my life, and having El Poema by my side. That only makes it more surreal. And even though I haven’t been in the same room as he has in just over three months, I can still summon the feeling of his presence as if it were only a few days ago.

Definitely and unequivocally surreal. All of it.

It’s time for me to go to bed, because my eyes are seriously crossing after reading too many classified ads online.

It’s too early for Montréal apartment ads for April, but it doesn’t hurt to look around to get a sense of what’s out there. The first thing that’s striking to me is to price range. I freely admit to making a very decent income and I have been budgeting for a jump of about $200 from what I paying now, with an absolute ceiling with heat and hot water of $300 more. I had been thinking of getting a 3-bedroom, but more and more I’m thinking I’ll have to settle for a large 2-bedroom like I have here in Halifax. Frankly, most of the prices I’ve seen for 3-bedrooms assume two incomes contributing to the rent. And when we start talking prices like that, buying a condo would be a much wiser move — pardon the pun.

Meanwhile, earlier I had said that I have my heart set on the HoMa (Hochelaga-Maisonneuve) area, but that’s a huge area. I realize now that I don’t want to go too far south of Ontario Street and Viau Street is my eastern limit. To the west of HoMa but still in the east, there’s the Village. For a while, my thought was to keep that area as a destination; however, now I’m thinking that as long that it’s not right on Ste-Cat, it might not be such a bad choice. I also saw a stunning place in Villeray, which is much further north than I ever thought I’d consider …although still on this side of the Métropolitaine. And then, in complete contradiction to everything I’ve said so far, MAYBE I shouldn’t dismiss Côte-des-Neiges (CDN) and Notre-Dame-de-Grâce (NDG). Those of you who know Montréal must be gasping because that area — aside from being very anglophone — is almost another world compared to HoMa. I’m not crazy about having to rely too much on the blue line — the subway from nowhere (St. Michel) to almost nowhere (Snowdon) — but closer to Décarie and the orange line wouldn’t be bad at all given there are some charming older buildings that are definitely affordable. I won’t do Pointe-Saint-Charles or Verdun, but MAYBE Saint-Henri? Do note that the Plateau is out of the question: too pricey, and what’s not too pricey is almost always said to have “character,” which really translates to, “It’s a dark little dump with a ridiculous layout, but you’ll be able to say you live on the Plateau.” No, thank you.

This is hard because it is too early, but then I won’t have too much time in February to find something. Apartment hunting is a pain in the ass at the best of times, but doing it from 800 miles is a HUGE pain. But, I know I’ll be pleased when it’s all done and over with.

– Today we got formal word of what our year-end bonus at the day job will be. It’s right in the middle of the range I expected it would be, and while I won’t disclose the figure here, I will say it’s considerable. And it’ll be paid the day I leave for Mexico. Check!

– El Poema touched base on Skype this evening. Because we’ve both been so busy — he with helping a friend move and I with work — we’ve pretty well stuck to e-mail in the last little while. He’s threatening to kidnap me once I get to Mexico, but that little plan won’t work because I’m telling everybody, so if I’m not back at work in Halifax on January 2 for reasons other than airline delays, everyone will know to come find me. Check!

As the snow’s been flying, I’ve been a flurry of activity myself.

– Pay subcontractor. Check!

– Renew a client’s hosting for 1 year. Check!

– Renew 2 other clients for 1 year. Check!

– Renew 2 domain names and hosting for yet another client. Check!

– Renew 1 of my own domain names for 5 years. Check!

– Wash the dishes. Check!

– Write a cheque to Sis for Mom’s Christmas gift. Check!

– Finally write a cheque to pay that fine. Check!

– Write my formal notice of leave for the apartment. Check!

“You’re a man with so many plans,” El Poema exclaimed at one point during our conversation tonight.

You’ve got that right, babe!

When we think of thunder and lightening, we usually think of hot summer weather when the air gets so thick that it feels like walking into a wet sauna. But in the last 30 minutes of the current snowstorm, there have been several flashes of lightening and considerable claps of thunder. At the first occurrence, I thought I was imagining things: “It has to be a snowplow,” I thought.

But no. In fact, just as I wrote that last sentence, the snow-covered view outside my window just turned blue white and a milder clap of thunder followed.

How freaky is that?

Just about everybody has remarked on Environment Canada’s prediction that this winter is going to be the harshest in 15 years. Not wanting to disappoint, Nature made the first day of December feel like winter in Halifax, with mid-afternoon temperatures around -7C and a wind chill of -18C. On top of that, there were snowqualls throughout the afternoon and early evening, which covered the streets with a thin layer of fine snow that turned them into virtual ice rinks. And as Tornwordo has been reporting, the last two weeks in Montréal have been resolutely wintry. So there’s no escaping it and there can be no denying: a good old-fashinoned winter has arrived in Canada.

As explained in the article above to which I’ve linked, we have La Niña to thank for that — the phenomenon of colder than usual water in the Pacific that could lead to Mexico City seeing a dusting of snow for the first time in 40 years. But as I was running errands with the Queen of Sheba yesterday, the reminder of what a Canadian winter feels like hit me like a ton of bricks. And thinking of El Poema’s extreme aversion to the cold, I couldn’t help exclaim as we were driving along Cunard Street, “Oh my, what I am proposing to do to the poor guy!”

Fortunately for me, as commences the coldest winter in some 15 years, I will, for the first time in my life, be spending Christmas in a place where the average nighttime low is 20C. But then, of course, I’ll have to come back and face the rest of the unpleasant weather. That’s just life, but what seems wrong is that I would leave the cold behind like a shot if I could. But I guess part of being a grown up is accepting that you can’t always have your cake and eat it, too.