I Certainly Never Meant THAT!

Brian posted a rant yesterday about a site advocating serosorting as a means of preventing further HIV infections. Understandably, Brian’s pissed.

Some HIV positive guys only link together with other HIV positive guys. There is nothing wrong with that, but to pretend that this is some wave of the future of HIV prevention by attempting to ghettoize something that you cannot contain in a ghetto, is complete folly (to be nice). There is no nice little line that you can draw between “us and them” when it comes to preventing risk of transmission.

Someone left a long comment on Brian’s post to say that he “completely disagree[s]” with him on this point and concludes by asking him, “[I]s it really a festering resentment about the HIV-negative guys who reject guys who are poz?” Once again, as happened with Jeff and his article I called a misfire, critics are coming out to proffer pseudo psychoanalyses in an attempt to explain the author’s motivations. The only thing I’ll grant the commentor is that Brian’s posts can be abrasive at times, but he does warn everyone who enters his blog that “You are entering my mind, it’s not always pretty!”

Logically, if serodiscordant sexual contacts were to end immediately, there wouldn’t be new cases of transmission to “neggies.” But this is not only unlikely to happen; it’s also a division that shouldn’t happen. As Brian writes, clearly “stupidity falls on both sides of the sero-spectrum.” This advocating of serosorting coming from someone who’s poz is proof, as it is a position that [a] absolves everyone from taking responsibility for themselves and [b] could encourage a throwback to the hysteria of the early- and mid-’80s when some people feared that a handshake or breathing the same air could cause someone to seroconvert. To me, the notion of serosorting is as odious and has echoes of ethnic cleansing, which surely no one in his or her right mind would advocate.

A Day of Reflection & Taking Some Distance

So, I lied.

In my previous entry, I wrote that I would get to work immediately after I posted that entry. But I wrote that sentence well before the last paragraph in which I did my coming out as having a “work-identified” personality. Yes, believe it or not, that was another Oprah lightbulb moment for me.

That, in itself, is really quite funny. While it may have been an cunning insight for me, for anyone who knows me, that statement probably caused several sets of eyeballs to roll back so hard that now I’m probably responsible for said sets of eyeballs to have fallen out of their sockets. But finally I’ve come to a better understanding of why work for me is so damn personal.

So, instead of getting back to work like I said I would, I called the Queen of Sheba to see what she was doing on this fine, sunny Saturday. While she’s remotely acquainted with some of the actors [from the client I wrote about in the last post], she’s infinitely more detached than I am. She suggested an immediate audience over coffee in her garden, and I steadfastly accepted her indulgence. As I was leaving my apartment, I thought of swinging by Julien’s next door for pastries. Then, as I was driving to the Queen’s quarters, another thought crossed my mind: the problem for someone like me who has to fix situations like the one I’m facing is that they require taking non-existing time to figure them out. Like stealing from Peter to pay Paul, my taking time out right then and there could lead to pissing off another client, but by not taking the time out, I’d risk (at best) never resolving anything or (at worst) eventually losing everything.

As I wrote previously, I had been mulling over a few ideas in the previous 12 hours. What I was hoping for — and got — from my audience with the Queen were specific suggestions and leads. She also advised that I put a firm, take-it-or-leave-it proposal on the table, with only very few flexible points for compromise. In essence, I would finally [a] resolve the problem at hand while [b] start making my business work for me rather than only and always work for my business.

Buoyant from my audience with the Queen, I then visited BeeGoddess M, Stephanie and my too-adorable-for-words nephew Jackson. They (except Jackson who was too busy licking my face to care) agreed that the plan I devised with the Queen is sound. So, tonight as I’m heading to bed, I do fear a little if and how the plan will fly but, overall, I feel better because at least my having a plan is a much better position to be in than where I was last night as I went to bed.