News Flash: I Lost My Virginity

Don’t even TRY to say, “That’s not news.” I’m referring to the fact that BeeGoddessM graciously took me out to have sushi for the first time in my life.

“So? How did you like it? Isn’t it wonderful? Isn’t it a treat?”

Picture it: Halifax, 2005, a delightful window seat at sushi bar on Barrington Street… See Maurice remain silent a few moments after putting something in his mouth, before tentatively saying, “Maybe I dipped that too much in the soy sauce mixture…”

I’m known for eating just about anything that doesn’t bite me back first. In fact, I’ve even been known to eat some of those, too, but I digress. So, since so many people have been ranting and raving about sushi, I was more than willing to consider this first bite an unfortunate moment.

Now see Maurice reach for another morsel whose name once again ends with an I, but damn if he remembers what it’s called. No dipping this time. The BeeGoddess informs him that he’s about to eat raw tuna. That doesn’t put him off. (Although officially I protested that sushi consists of a lot of raw fish, it didn’t really gross me out. As a kid I use to eat raw beef and I’m no madder today than I would have been if I hadn’t.)

Oh boys…

It was so very sweet of the BeeGoddess to pay Maurice what she hoped would be a treat for him. So. Very. Sweet. He actually WANTED to like this stuff, if only for her sake. But at that moment, the taste in his mouth — although he never experienced it first hand — made him think of what gnawing on a plank from an old wharf might taste like. And just as he’s a horrible liar, he’s patently incapable of faking enjoyment, the lack thereof clearly distressing the poor BeeGoddess.

Now see Maurice refusing to be defeated, especially after being assured that this sushi wasn’t off or anything like that. The next morsel was tolerable. However, by the end of the meal, the taste in his mouth reminded him of what it must be like to suck on a half-dry tea bag that’d been left in a spoon on a counter for maybe two hours.

“Well, if anything,” I said, “I know I’ve just ingested food that’s good for me.”

Alas, it’ll be a long time before Maurice gives sushi another try.