And While I’m Thinking About It…

Along the same lines as the previous post… Of course my daily collection of spam often provides me offers to enlarge [you know what]. Those offers go directly to the trash, unopened. Not that I’m too proud or think I don’t need it or … oh, never mind before I dig myself into a hole.

But the other day I received two different but similar offers in a row, and as I was doing something boring afterwards — namely washing the dishes — I started to wonder. “I wonder which of the two would be the better deal? The one that promised X more inches or the one that promised X% ‘improvement’.”

I hate washing dishes. If it allows my mind to start thinking about such things, then it must be an evil, evil activity.

I Just Don’t Get It

O.K. I know I can be rather naive at times, but maybe someone could explain something to me.

What’s this obsession with “farm sex” that I keep seeing in my (vast) daily collection of spam? And what is it about the p0rn featuring teens that’s definitely not targetted at teens — not that I’m convinced they’d be outrageously interested?

The latter in particular gives me the creeps, and I’m not exactly Mr. Prude personified. What dark, dark desire are these p0rn0graphers tapping into? Yick!!!

About Halifax and Folding Sidewalks …Sorta…

Halifax boasts the second largest natural harbour in the world. Two suspension bridges span that harbour, the oldest of the two — the Macdonald — was built in 1955 and has been illuminated at night since New Year’s Day 2000. It’s not a particularly apt illumination, but what makes it worse is that they would turn off those lights at 1 a.m. To me, that’s the equivalent of folding up the sidewalks at night.

Yet Haligonian like to think of themselves as sophisticated and cosmopolitan. At the same time and with far too much pride, the weekly (and free) entertainment rag in town once proclaimed Halifax “the world’s biggest small town.” Setting aside this odd sense of pride (or was it sarcasm?), I have to agree that this assessment wasn’t so far off the mark, though. It’s certainly more accurate than considering this place “sophisticated and cosmopolitan.”

Halifax is the home of more than one-third of Nova Scotia’s residents. But do the math: The entire province doesn’t have a million inhabitants. Now I grant you that “sophisticated and cosmopolitan” isn’t synonymous with “large population.” It’s more a matter of culture and manners. But what gets to me is how Haligonians try wearing one hat when they want to come across as “just a friendly bunch of people,” and another hat when they want people to consider Halifax a “world-class city.”

Suck or blow. You can’t do both at the same time.

If you want to remain the “biggest small town in the world,” then go on turning off the lights at night. Keep on revelling in tartans and one-too-many Celtic band. And keep on electing provincial governments — and I mean “provincial” in both senses of the word — that legislate against Sunday shopping for the sake of saving Families Values. But these AREN’T sophisticated and cosmopolitan stances, so don’t have a collective temper tantrum when outsiders give you that “aren’t-they-cute” smile when you claim that this place is a “world-class city.”

Oh, okay. I suppose I should be fair.

For about a month now, they’ve been turning off the lights on the Macdonald at 2 a.m. It’s a start, I guess.