Today was my last visit with Lucy.
Today, it’s been a week since I last smoked …and I’m still going insane.
Also today has come to a head a colleague’s continuing behaviour that an expert like Lucy labelled “classic passive aggressive.”
All things considered, though, not a bad day.
Lucy didn’t seem convinced last week that the time to stop therapy had come, but she full-heartedly agreed by the end of today’s session. I reminded her of the guy who came to her in July and contrasted him with the guy in front of her today, which brought her to remark, “Sometimes we have to break down to put ourselves back together, but differently.”
I even referred to today’s incident at work: Before, I’d “own” the situation; now, I’m detached enough to recognize that there’s little I can do about someone else being passive-aggressive. It’s fundamentally HIS problem but he’s making it mine by trying to drag me into his crap. I’m only “involved” to the extent that he’s e-mailing CCs to our supervisor who thinks the whole act is like watching kindergarten kids, and he’s always claiming being too busy to have a chat on the phone. In short, I agreed to (and have) changed some things I do at work; he agreed but hasn’t really changed.
So remind me again how that’s my problem?
Precisely, it isn’t!
We talked about my not smoking for a week, and in her mind that’s the ultimate illustration of having taken control and wanting to take care of myself. I laughed out loud commenting, “I even have fewer headaches …and you know why? Because of these damn glasses I’m wearing now!”
Finally convinced, Lucy seemed pleased for me. “But you’ve worked hard on yourself,” she added. “You haven’t been afraid to consider anything.” I’m probably a psychologist’s dream: I can’t be that much work! 🙂
Now if only I weren’t craving a cigarette so much, life would be as close to perfect as I could ever wish…