It’s All Been About Taking Control

Taking Control!!!I don’t think someone’s mood is like throwing a die and I seriously doubt anyone can control how dice might fall. Hence I think that this graphic, while cute, is off.

I acknowledge that I’m only speaking for myself and from my own experience. However, while I still have much to do, I know without a doubt that I have taken back control of my life and perhaps taken a bit more than I ever had. There could be setbacks here and there but, as a general trend, I feel there’s no other way from here but up.

It has been 48 hours since my last drag off a cigarette. Yesterday before my second treatment, I had serious doubts about succeeding and expressed those doubts to the therapist. The session was supposed to last about 60 minutes but he took nearly 90: he did some extra things in response to my stated anxiety, and you know what? I think it really made a difference! I might think of having a cigarette every few minutes but, each time, I simply close my eyes and say to myself, “Nawh…” And the thought goes away, like a wave receding back into the ocean.

Could this really be happening? Have I really gone, within less than a year, from “I can’t stand myself” to a 30-year smoker who’s quitting shortly after having completely cleaned up every aspect of his life and now feels confident enough to assert himself?

Last Thursday I told Lucy that next week should be my last appointment with her. She seemed a bit taken aback and mentioned some areas we hadn’t yet explored; however, with the greatest respect in view of how helpful she’s been, I replied that I was asserting my needs now and that I believe I have reached my best point in over four years.

I have taken control. THANK GAWD!

Don’t get me wrong. I know that I might have another puff. I know that unexpected turns of event will happen at work. I know that unforeseeable complications will throw off parts of my first serious personal financial forecast in five years. In short, I know that I’ll have setbacks and that I’ll get just plain pissed off from time to time.

But so what! Now I have a plan. I have motivation. I have hopes. I have a belief in the future. Moreover, I have peace of mind over what I can and cannot control, and a better understanding of what makes tick. I know the traps I need to avoid.

Hopefully I can now resume a lighter form a programming at aMMusing!!! 🙂