— Currently in Halifax: -10C. Currently in Mexico City: +15C.
— Only have to shave and shower. Leaving the apartment by 4:00.
— Slept 4 hours. I’ve already done with less before a long day.
— I know less than ever how I’ll react when I finally set eyes again on El Poema in about 12 hours. But I know that, aside from the exhaustion from the trip and the chaos of arriving in the world’s second largest city at midday, it will be good.
— Can you believe it’s finally happening? A little tiny part of me still doesn’t.
I may post from Mexico, but I doubt it. So the next update at aMMusing might only come in the new year. I plan a brief Facebook update, though.
Well, What Can I Say?
If all goes as planned, and I see no reason at this point why it wouldn’t, I should be at Toronto’s Pearson Airport 24 hours from the time I’m writing this. The weather office is calling for a 30 percent chance of flurries overnight in Halifax and a 40 percent chance of the same in Toronto. By the time the 5 centimetres of snow that’s expected in Halifax tomorrow starts falling, I should be far gone, and it’s expected to be mild and cloudy tomorrow in Toronto. So, it’s just a matter of getting to Toronto. Flights out of Halifax seem to be leaving on time this morning, meaning they’ve finally cleared the backlog from last weekend’s storm.
I’m a little nervous about having sleeping through tomorrow morning, as I have to get up no later than 3:00 a.m. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get tonight, if any, and I know I can’t sleep on a plane. BeeGoddessM has very generously accepted to drive me to the airport, and she suggested that if neither of us hears from the other by 3:30, we’re to call each other.
I’ve made only two time-specific requests from El Poema for the entire trip (not counting having some coffee for me in the morning): take me directly home when I land in Mexico City, since I’ll be exhausted; and, since the night we arrive in Puerto Escondido will also be the full moon, I want us to take advantage of it and the sultry air to walk along the beach that night. Among other things, that last request is essential for me to realize I’ve really escaped the Canadian winter, if only for a short time. As for the rest of the agenda, we’ll play it by ear. He has tons of things he wants to show me and places he wants to take me, but we agree that several moments of tranquility at home are also a must.
Right now I’m off to run a few errands before starting work for the day. I’m essentially packed except for a few items that have to wait until the last minute.
It’s finally happening! I’m finally going to Mexico to be with El Poema! When we spoke last night, we were both giddy as hell …
Disjointed & Excited
— The Bush Whacker is in town and is coming over for dinner this evening. I think it’s been nearly two years since I last saw her. Tonight there’ll be major catching up on what we’ve been up to!
— Last night, Jain was over for our last “Whine & Wine” before I head off to Mexico. El Poema called while she was here, but unfortunately Skype was misbehaving for the second time in a row so the connection was touch and go. Although we dub our Friday-night get-togethers “Whine & Wine,” we really don’t do much whining. Except, perhaps, whining about Skype last night.
— I placed an order for Mexican pesos yesterday morning, which will be ready for pickup on Wednesday morning — the day before I leave. Do you think I could have waited more to the last minute?
— A wicked snowstorm is coming our way tomorrow and Monday. So long as the nasty weather happens now and doesn’t disrupt my travel plans on Thursday, I’m fine with that. I’m also bringing Junior to the garage on Monday morning.
— That said, with winter so firmly started and so early this year, I’m certain my arrival in Mexico will be a shock to the system, not to mention the return from Mexico.
— I’m going to start packing gradually tomorrow. Wednesday’s going to be weird: I have to work that day and I have to be at the airport no later than 4:45 Thursday morning. I’m going to have to come up with a plan to get a bit of sleep before I fly across the continent. I know myself: I can’t sleep on a plane.
— I can’t deny it: I have a knot of butterflies in my stomach. When there were 90, 80, 70 or 60 days to wait, going to visit El Poema was still a bit of an abstraction. But now that there’s only 4 days to wait, not counting today, I’m in total “Oh My Gawd” mode. I have no doubt about what I feel for El Poema nor do I doubt what he feels for me, but the butterflies are a sign of a little part of me asking, “What the fuck am I doing?!” I know that part of the answer is that I’m living up to my resolution not to accumulate regrets, like not following my heart and one day asking myself, “What if I had …” But the enormity of what I’m about to do is really hitting home now, a feeling that I know BeeGoddessM remembers very well. In fact, the parallels are remarkably similar, right down to the timeline.
— I have to swear off looking at Montreal apartment ads until I come back. That’s just making me feel more overwhelmed. Next to nothing for April has been posted yet, and both the price range and not knowing anymore which neighbourhood I’ll pick is stressing me out. Plus, the day job has been busy and stressful in its own right, and whomever will be covering for me while I’m gone hasn’t been determined yet. (Although that’s not something for me to worry about, I can’t help thinking about it.)
— Overall, everything that’s happening is very, very good (except for the work-related stress which I can objectively say is diminishing as I’m getting settled into my new responsibilities). I think it’s just that there’s too much happening all at once. Hence why I feel disjointed — in the “all over the place” sense of the word — and excited at the same time.
“Every Once In a While…”
I’ve never been good with comebacks. They almost always come to me way too late or just late enough that they wouldn’t have any punch. Except, occasionally, they do come with perfect timing. I remember it happening just right once back when I was still a teenager, and that brought BeeGoddess C to say as she was laughing heartily, “Every once in a while…”
Late last night, I was talking with a mildly hungover El Poema on Skype when suddenly Tadzio, his cat, started meowing rather loudly.
— Tadzio! Tadzio! SHUT UP!”
I burst out laughing and said:
— Tadzio, shut up! Mommy has a headache…”
El Poema immediately started laughing but then admonished me: “You’re mean! Don’t be mean to me!”
Tadzio meowed again. And turning towards him, El Poema said without missing a beat:
— Shut up, Tadzio. Mommy has a headache!”
In 10 days, Daddy will finally get to meet Tadzio.
Awaken around 8 o’clock on this Sunday morning by Dr. Snake Oil Salesman‘s girlfriend’s heavy stomping, which has earned her the nickname from me of Fee Fi Fo Fum, I idly wondered as I forced myself back to sleep if I should send him a message via Facebook — you know, saying that I only have three months left once I return from Mexico and could they kindly make an effort not to grate on my nerves as much as they have been. I mean, from now on, the hours I keep at the day job are as if I were in the Eastern time zone (one hour behind) and the job now consists of a lot more writing than before, which requires more concentration — at least from me. So, the stomping and the music in the middle of the afternoon, let alone the same when I’m bone tired in the evening, is really making me miserable and pissy …or, as some might say, more miserable and pissier.
I didn’t think of jumping right into Facebook when I got up later this morning, and when I decided to look him up late this afternoon, I lost my resolve: it was a stupid idea that came to me when I was half asleep but deeply resenting having been awaken so early on a Sunday, and I really shouldn’t go there. However, what I found interesting is that he changed his privacy settings in Facebook so that now his profile is pretty well wide open for anyone to see. So, now it’s taking every ounce of restraint I have within me not to post a link to it with some kind of rude caption. My dislike has become THAT visceral.
Confrontation is just not my thing, though. Sometimes I harbour such nasty ideas, but then I just can’t bring myself to pass to action. I don’t know if it’s because there’s a part of me who’s not convinced I have grounds to complain, or that I’m afraid of the repercussions. Or that I think I’ll totally lose it. But at the same time, I get angry with myself for not standing up for myself.
And look how often I’ve bitched about him! Clearly it’s bothering me. If it were occasional, then, let go, right? But whenever they’re home, I know about it? Or when they’re not, I actually notice it? That, to me, seems a bit much.